Do you say “never”, “always” – a lot of times?

Few weeks back one of my friend from Facebook raise this issue of using the words “never” and “always” on the day to day life especially when come to argument. Yesterday @Flipbooks from Twitter has mentioned the same quote as well:

“”Always & never are two words you should always remember never to use” ~Wendell Johnson”

If we think carefully these 2 words seem to be very simple in meaning and usage! But if we hear it and feel it, it can give great impact to someone’s else feeling.

Listen:

“Why you NEVER listen to what i said!”

“Why you ALWAYS fail on your driving test?”

Do you get what i mean here? These 2 sentences  give an impression that it is a final ultimatum that you will never be able to get better or improved. It is like a branding set and labeled right in front of your forehead. If everyday you keep hearing it again and again, it become your self fulfilling prophecy. You become what you think you are.

Now, if we drag these two negative words and applied to our children, do you know how they feel. Every time they fail on something these 2 words would be the first consolation words they are hearing from their parents.

Maybe we think with these 2 very powerful words we can expect to change someone life or destiny. However if we are not careful enough to use it, it will be an opposite result. Instead of being motivated the child would become demotivating. This can be even worse if the child pick up this habit and use it in the same tone as the parents to other people or to their own parents.

“Mummy, why are you always late to pick me up?” – how do you feel when your child said this to you.

It might be small and meaningless for you, but for me, I put my concern on this. I start to be careful with words I am using when I am angry to my daughter. Because I see it myself, she picks up exactly how I react to anger. This is not good and I need to do something about it. Kids learning from example, and I am the first foremost example they will see mostly. I can not control what is happening outside the house, but at least I set a good ground and example from home.

So, Now! before I get angry, I take my deep breath and start to count to 10 and think carefully how I am going to talk to her. It is not easy! To change something that we always do is tough. We tend to forget it! But with more practice, we will get better.

Good luck!

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Do you say “never”, “always” – a lot of times?

  1. Thank you very much for this fantastic article; this is the kind of post that keeps me going through the day. I’ve been searching around for this site after I heard about them from a close friend and was thrilled when I was able to find it after looking for some time. Being an avid blogger, I’m pleased to see others taking initiative and contributing to the community. I just wanted to comment to show my appreciation for your work as it’s very encouraging, and many bloggers do not get the credit they deserve. I’m sure I’ll be back and will send some of my friends.

  2. First time here (found you through Linkedin). I like the look of your blog and your articles. Hope to become familiar with your style of writing. You are right about the use of some strong words ” never” and “always”. Another strong word we tend to use is “hate”!! We tend to say I hate tomatoes or brocolli or chocolate etc.. or we may say to our child, I hate you messing up your room etc… Hate is a strong word and if we consciously try to change it to “dislike” it would be so much better.

    And yes, you are right – we should learn to listen more too!! Especially to what our children are trying to tell us.

    Hope I haven’t ranted on.

    MIna

    • Mina, thank you so much for visiting my blog. English is not my first language so I need to improve a lot on my style of writing. Blog is one tool to remedy my confident on writing in English. And thank you for your affirmation on my strong point on words to choose to our children. Once again thank you so much for visiting my blog.

Comments are closed.