Few weeks back one of my friend from Facebook raise this issue of using the words “never” and “always” on the day to day life especially when come to argument. Yesterday @Flipbooks from Twitter has mentioned the same quote as well:
“”Always & never are two words you should always remember never to use” ~Wendell Johnson”
If we think carefully these 2 words seem to be very simple in meaning and usage! But if we hear it and feel it, it can give great impact to someone’s else feeling.
“Why you NEVER listen to what i said!”
“Why you ALWAYS fail on your driving test?”
Do you get what i mean here? These 2 sentences give an impression that it is a final ultimatum that you will never be able to get better or improved. It is like a branding set and labeled right in front of your forehead. If everyday you keep hearing it again and again, it become your self fulfilling prophecy. You become what you think you are.
Now, if we drag these two negative words and applied to our children, do you know how they feel. Every time they fail on something these 2 words would be the first consolation words they are hearing from their parents.
Maybe we think with these 2 very powerful words we can expect to change someone life or destiny. However if we are not careful enough to use it, it will be an opposite result. Instead of being motivated the child would become demotivating. This can be even worse if the child pick up this habit and use it in the same tone as the parents to other people or to their own parents.
“Mummy, why are you always late to pick me up?” – how do you feel when your child said this to you.
It might be small and meaningless for you, but for me, I put my concern on this. I start to be careful with words I am using when I am angry to my daughter. Because I see it myself, she picks up exactly how I react to anger. This is not good and I need to do something about it. Kids learning from example, and I am the first foremost example they will see mostly. I can not control what is happening outside the house, but at least I set a good ground and example from home.
So, Now! before I get angry, I take my deep breath and start to count to 10 and think carefully how I am going to talk to her. It is not easy! To change something that we always do is tough. We tend to forget it! But with more practice, we will get better.