Life changes …. {motherhood}

For those of you who does not me yet, let me once again introduce myself. i am just an ordinary mum who loves to jolt down my thought, hoping this thought become a self direction and a personal map for me. the more i write my thought process the more i get to be familiar with them, so the idea will not just be a concept anymore, i can actually act on them cause it is inbuilt inside my thinking process hence my judgement and common sense.

probably some of you think, you write so much and much high standard of expectation on your thought, are you not afraid of being judge of not being able to make it one day? when someone pause me with this question, then i will ask the person back … would you set a low standard of expectation in life for yourself? then it is up to the person to judge.

like i always keep telling myself, nobody else know myself better instead my own, i know exactly what is inside my mind, my heart as well as my mood. Yes! i could probably share it with someone BUT the exact pieces of neurons stimulation transfer to that person will not be the same as the one running on my body systems. So … there is no exact duplicate of it! at the end of the day is myself … i am in charge of my though, my decision and judgement in life.

NOW! bring this media into a form of motherhood. the first time you receive a bulk of life in front of your face with blinking eyes that show so much hope of life …. what are you going to do with them? ….. is there a manual come along with it that i can read thru it and assembly it correctly that it can run automatically without creating problems …. or is there a software, a program etc …. anyone? anybody know?

i tumble and standing up again …. walking along the path of {motherhood}, sometimes i feel alone sometimes i feel the crowd walking along the sideways. sometimes i have to drown myself into the lake of the unknown, all i can do is keep up my unorganized stroke to swim to the nearest for safety, sometimes i have to bulk myself and do the bungee jumping without any safety belt …. all i know i have to jump down or over it otherwise i would be STUCK here ….

i carry another life with me … another soon to be adult who probably will run into the same circle of motion that i just passed. there is only so much i could do, my time is limited as well as my energy …. i hope what i had done now can give the mean for her to survive one day … a full pledge of wisdom to understand what is right and what is wrong and to be at the most comfortable level of being herself one day …. confident does not come easy and it can easily break into pieces in about a second. a full lethal personality is needed to keep yourself upstrike regardless any ugly circumstances life can give you.

oh my friend! pardon my writing … this is just the whole musing of my thought that i need to jolt it down otherwise it will be stuck there haunting me in countless seconds.

do not expect so much from me, you can read what i write and make your own judgement because YOU and ME are not the same … we might take a different path in life. What is best for you might not be best for me and vice versa.

i wish you all the BEST … do not give up as we CAN NOT too anymore …. we have little eyes watching us from behind as their life in the future depend on our moulding now.

parenting is NOT easy … yet it is enjoyable where you know you can share the UPMOST feeling of LOVE, unconditional LOVE to someone you really treasure ….

GOD bless all our child …. {mashaAllah}